What does it mean to care for your heart.

In trying to help market a service called “The Heartwarmer” at work the other day, my mind got to trace the edges of some thoughts that I had tumbled around a long time ago…

“Heart-centered.” “Heart-focused.” “Boundaries.” “Self protection.”

These are all commonalities of the modern human language now, epithets that are spoken in casual conversation without too much though of their meaning, once they’ve left the lips.

Whenever I hear a phrase about healing, the heart, self-care… I get scratchy inside. These are some of the most valuable concepts in all of the human experience, and we throw the terms around as if we are sailors, swearing needlessly about the salty winds upon our face.

The crude notebook photo below depicts a conversation between myself and Nicole, one of the wisest women I’ve ever met. It was her original explanation of this package that led me back to a place that I have spent a lot of time in, perhaps a lifetime ago now though. I can’t say for certain.

My question for her, was how do WE take care of OUR hearts? What can WE do, or what can YOU (as a therapist, a provider, a caretaker) do to take care of my HEART?

That’s such a massive statement to me. To take care of someone’s heart. That’s incredible.

What is a heart center, and how does one even begin to reach into someone else’s chest, or spirit, or pain, or calm, and offer any sense of “healing?”

I broke it all the way back down to “what is the heart, in relation to our being?”

To me, the layout looks something like this:

HEART - The framework. Unabashed freedom for love, giving, care. Unburdened by pain. The plans that we build our homes on.

VALUES - The foundation. From the heart we lay down our value sets. The things that will be the most important and valuable to us in life, both in ourselves and with others.

MIND - The walls, the functions. We start to get into protection and form here. Humans don’t survive long without protection. The frameworks and foundations of ourselves are beautiful, but vulnerable.

CHOICE & SHARING - Windows & doors. We build them into ourselves to make sure we can choose what enters our space, our personhood.

SPIRIT - The roof. When we allow our framework to flow through our foundation and into our home, we become a beacon of light for those who enter it. At some point, our home gets decorated with furniture, if we have cared for our heart. Then people flood in, drawn to the magnetic power of a love that is attended to, and is flourishing. When there is no room left, because we have shared it with so many, we climb to the roof to view the stars, longing for them to see us as ready, and call us home.

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Nicole’s answers were thought provoking, profound, engaging, and sincere. One of her many talents is the ability to share in a feeling with another person, I mean REALLY feel.

The genuine way that she shows up in your space with you, is not a choice for her. Her heart is well cared for, by her and many who love her, and though it would seem to me that if I expended energy in this way, it would deplete me of my resources… this level of empathy seems to refill her life force wellspring.

It’s incredible. Just as I flippantly said it would be.

So, don’t take my word for it, because my words know not the depths of the human heart. Not in that way that some hearts can understand it, anyway.

Running away.

Lace up. 

Step outside. 

Begin. 

Move evenly, raising your feet high enough to clear debris left by the vanishing autumn. 

Bend your elbows, bringing a gentle, rhythmic swing to your gait. 

Move. The first mile passes. Then the second. The third brings cold air and tears to your eyes. 

Onward. 

The fourth and fifth push your mind. Thoughts overflowing, you’ll feel at home in this. 

Sixth mile. Nothingness. Empty inside except for your feet pushing into an unforgiving slab of concrete, slowly eroding under your relentless and habitual event. 

Seventh. You force yourself to find endurance. Lungs are stinging. You take the opportunity to test your limit, breaking into a wild and careless sprint. Becoming more controlled as your muscles strain to keep up with your will. Then a release, and equilibrium. Back on pace. 

Eighth. Ninth. Tenth. Bargaining. 

You are powerful. Your body has existed in a thousand other lives to bring you to this place, where your fitful and careless mind competes with the agony of physical exhaustion. 

You are a woman. Viewed by the world as weaker than your male counterparts. But yet you make life inside of you. Bear children, a duty incomprehensible to a man. 

Your hips are wider, less aerodynamic than a mans. Muscles not as sinuous, legs not quite so long. Your mind is incessant, and can contemplate more in a minute than most in a day. You’ve found peace in your subtle victory. 

And then, it’s over. Until the sun comes into mornings view and you begin again. 

Hope awoke with me.

Today is small

But it is guaranteed 

At least for now

My eyes still adjusting

Tomorrow, ever poisoned

Soberly educated. 

Each sunset, an omen

Unsettling, in its warmth 

Yet the cold air

Streaming in

From a cracked window on

A nearly November morning

Astonishes my skin 

And my soul

With a rash of hope

Against all known reason

Today,

I will be unreasonable.

Chilled to the bone,

Yet, hope awoke w i t h me. 

I pray she doesn’t 

Learn to love

Only the sunrise

After today.